Secularism: A Proposal

"The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good."

- Psalm 14:1

Vous avez le cervau d'un sandwich au fromage.

Tis' the season, O Christians, when the secularists come out of the wood-work and try to sabotage everyone's Christmas cheer (yes, Christmas. Have you ever seen a secularist go after a menorah? Thought not.) For some reason or another, and in direct contrast to all their squawking about liberty and free speech, they immediately start frothing at the mouth when confronted with that most heinous of secularism's violations; the public Nativity Scene. You would have thought we had crucified Hitchens, Dawkins and Harris in effigy the way they start convulsing and hurling lawsuits. In several places, they have even succeeded in taking down Nativity Scenes. Why are they allowed to get away with it? (The answer, in large part, rests with the imbecile-in-chief pictured above).

Because a world in which this can happen shouldn't exist.

Well, why they get away with it isn't nearly as important as how we get away with stopping them from ruining the holy ethos of this sacred season! So, below you'll find some simple tips for re-Christianizing this season and, thus, being a better Catholic.

1. Say Merry Christmas: I know, its a trial in today's hyper-PC culture, but sacrifices need to be made if we're going to defend the Christmas season from those who would secularize it. Saying "Merry Christmas" instead of "happy holidays" in a casual social setting or a public one, such as in educational or work environments, is a good way both of letting people know where you stand, and emphasizing the reason for the season. However, prepare for the (incredibly unlikely) instance of someone being offended by your intolerance or "Christo-centrism". In the end, though, it'll be worth it.

2. Nativity Scenes: Put them up! Even if its for no other reason than the fact that they annoy atheists! Also, don't forget that when it comes to Christmas, the gaudier the better. This just goes to show the atheist that Christianity is so deeply embedded in the culture and mind-set of Americans that we can produce these kinds of things on a mass scale. That's why we never see any plaster figurines of Friedrich Nietzsche at the dollar store.

These people have the right idea.

3. Send Christian Christmas Cards: As Americans, its traditional to send pretty much everyone we know Christmas cards. A good way to imbue this simple act with spiritual meaning is by, uh, I don't know, sending a card with a picture of Jesus on it. Most people would be shocked and appalled if they actually stopped and thought about how many Christmas cards are produced every year with absolutely zero reference to the religious significance of the holiday. There's a way to put an end to that; when selecting your Christmas card this year, intentionally pick one that's obnoxiously religious. Religious sensitivity, you say? BAH. Religious sensitivity is a luxury we simply cannot afford in the trenches of the War on Christmas. Let people know that the ONLY reason we have off of work, the only reason we get together and stuff out consumerist stockings is because, over 2,000 years ago, a child was born of a virgin and the world hasn't been the same since. The least you can do is remind people of it.